Divine Romance

I am sitting on the couch listening to the music from blog page.  Loving the quiet time I've been given to sit there with my eyes closed, holding my baby against my chest and sing.  And let my heart open and receive love as I give my heart over to worship.  I was really hit when "Divine Romance" started playing.  One of my favorite all time songs to worship too.  But for some reason this time was different.  As I sang the Holy Spirit gave me something.  Before I go on here's the words to this beautiful song:

"Divine Romance" by Phil Wickam

The fullness of Your grace is here with me

The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied

(Its probably playing right now, since its first on my playlist :-) )

So, as I am singing softly, with my baby against my chest, I am struck with Love.  Not love like I am normally used to experiencing.  But the overpowering love that I feel for my infant.  My innocent helpless child that is sleeping against my chest listening to my heartbeat as he rests.  And is in complete peace.  And how much I love him.  I love him with a love that hurts.  It's so overpowering that the thought of him in pain or suffering pains me greatly.  Yet to hold him and listen to him breathe is enough for me.  To look at him brings tears to my eyes.  What kind of love is this?  Something that only God can create and give to us. So how much does God love me?  His word says:

"For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb. 
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You
when I was made in the secret place. 
 When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body. 
All the days ordained for me
 were written in Your book before one of them came to be. 
How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake I am still with You.
                                                              Psalm 139:13-18

That is on another level.  I love my children with a full love that God has given me.  I think maybe a form of the love that God has for us.  But not the same.  Because were not the same.  Were made in His image but were human and our humanity puts limits on even our very emotions.  However, it gives me a taste, a glimpse of the God's love for me and his Son Jesus.

The thought of any of my kids suffering in any capacity pains me. To look at Joseph so helpless and dependant.  And to think that was Jesus when he was born.  Helplessly dependant on His mother to feed Him and care for Him.  That He left the right of God to come into the world helpless and God allowed, no not allowed it, but planned it just so I, you, all of us, could be with Him.  I dont think I could love someone so much to allow my son to be brutalized and tortued before my eyes just to show how much I love my other children.  That's even hard for me to say outloud but I dont think I could.  Although God knew that that's why He did it. 

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends .  John 15:13

There is no greater love.  And God is love.

So as I sing those words,  I am struck that God allowed all that just for this.  For worship in its purest form.  That doesn't have to include a worship team, and hundreds of people.  It doesn't have to magnificent, I dont have to sound wonderful (thank Him :-) )  Just a moment of pure worship.  Where my heart is with Him.  My mind is thinking and trying to grasp what kind of Love is this?  And when that's all I need.  When I realize even for a moment that everything can be taken away, but you cant take away my God.  I can be alone, with nothing and no one, I still have that.  Him.  That is what the Holy Spirit gave me today.  Peace.  And a greater understanding of what that means.  That no matter what I am going through, no matter the trial, the fear, the pain, the worry, the anger, the guilt, the end result is always Him.  So why do I stumble on the path and get worried and scared when I know the end is and will always be Him? 

"Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age" Matthew 28:20

I wrote yesterday about worry.  I came again today.  But instead of feeding it I closed my eyes and listened to the music. I didn't give room to the enemy.  And this is what God gave me.  A deeper look at Him and who He is.  A treasure to hold on to.  And none of this is me.  Will I mess up again?  Sure.  Will I doubt and worry again?  Probably.  But God will be the same.  There.  On the throne.  In control as always and faithful to lift me up when I call to Him.

Not to us, O Lord, not to us
but to Your name be the glory,
because of Your love and faithfulness.
                                        Psalm 115:1

Everything always points back to Him.  Even my failings and mess ups.  Because I can still call on Him and He will be there.  Faithfulness.  When I repent, he forgives.  Grace.  When I deserve death and grave, He gives me life and that more abundantly (John 10:10). Mercy.  And those all add up to Love.  Him!

Love and Blessings,

Heather